We took this opportunity to show how humorous Year 6 can be – maybe if we make Father Christmas laugh, he will bring us more presents!
Which letter is the funniest and why?
The Blog of Cathedral Primary School's Class 6.
We took this opportunity to show how humorous Year 6 can be – maybe if we make Father Christmas laugh, he will bring us more presents!
Which letter is the funniest and why?
Ariel’s School,
McKracken Way,
Antarctic Ocean
SE1 9QP
15th December 2015
Dear Father Christmas,
Firstly, out of all things in existence, I should point out my age. 42. Four. Two. Double 21. What I find so weird is that I’m writing to you. I last wrote to you when I was 10. 32 years difference. Yes, I do know my maths.
I understand that the majority of your letters are from children aged 3-10; my own 5 year old requested something last year: a cute (yet terrifying) tyrannosaurus rex and …a Barbie handbag. As you grow up, you start to know more about the mundane rather than magic, but magic is something that is inside my heart. There are many parts of a heart such as left atrium, right atrium – plus the heart is a cardiac muscle. Luckily (despite science) there is still a little magic in my left ventricle.
I want many things for Christmas, surprisingly, and I thought while I’m at it, I should just include them in my letter (there are only a few I promise):
• New pair of reading glasses
• Maths books
• Science books
• Dictionaries
• The moon on a stick
• And many more things.
What I’m really happy about is that I’m still alive. Wait just one second; I need to check if my heart is still beating… yep it still is – of course! The magic is still pulsing .
Well that’s pretty much it. Say hi to Rudolph for me (he’s my favourite).
Yours expectantly,
Poseidon McKracken
P.S. Come under the sea!
Cathedral School,
Redcross Way,
London,
SE1 1GH
15th December 2015
Dear Father Christmas,
There is one thing that I want you to bear in mind whilst you read this letter: I have been very good. Well… I’ve been good. Truthfully, I’ve been a little bit bad, but does that disqualify me from a chance of being on the nice list?
Santa – what I am trying to say is that, although most people ask you for a lot of time-wasting, good–for-nothing electronic devices and for world peace and other things like that, all I want to find out this Christmas is a few little questions: how do you get to every house in the world in one night? Do you have an assistant? Finally, how do all of the presents fit into your sack? Your one sack! These infuriating questions have been in the corner of my mind all my life, buzzing around the entire year not resting ,and now I can finally ask you them.
Oh and St Nick could you possibly lower the prices of the library café’s hot chocolate? £2.60 is quite expensive for a baby chino (another way to say hot chocolate) don’t you think?
How are all of the reindeer? Say a ‘big hello’ to Dancer and Prancer, Vixen and Blitzen, and Doner. Oh and Rudolf too! I think that I am forgetting a reindeer. Could you tell me which one?
Yours very nicely,
Miss Hawa Sillah
P.S could you possibly give Christmas spirit to any pseudo-Christmas lovers – I learnt that word yesterday! Oh and all I want for Christmas is a tiny little thing: snow!
Santa’s Grotto,
Icy Way,
Lapland,
LE3 321
15/12/2015
Dear Santa,
Ok, so bare this in mind: I’ve gone through a lot in life, for example, eating sweets, playing, and sleeping! You know what too? Ever since I was born, the fact that you exist has just been sipping its tea at the back of my noggin.
I have been very good this year (as you know) so I deserve some serious credit. Well ok, guess I was a little bit bad but it’s no biggie! Oh, ok fine- I was naughty, are you happy now?! I’ll just buy my own presents.
So I hope you are reading this letter and crying, because I have nothing.
Yours ever so sincerely,
Jordan (the kid who’s been writing to you for 6 years straight).
P.S. If- just out of pity- you are going going to get me a prezzy (you being a kind-hearted man and all, nothing like those imposters on tv) I have this one tinsy, winsy request: snow, and a dog… oh, and beard complete with a Santa disguise so I can be you!
Dear Father Christmas,
Of course you’re going to give me a present; I’ve been good all year. All right mate, what are you giving me for Christmas? Give me something at least. You can never guess where I am living! I’m living in California! With my mum. It’s been a long time since I wrote to you. I’m 22, the last time I wrote to you was when I was 21. Such a long time. Anyway, I want this to be the best Christmas for my kids, I want you to give them:
*Lots of toys
*Formula 1 race car and track for the back garden
You better try your best to get them for my kids. And for me, I would like Anki Overdrive and a BO3 PlayStation 4. Even though I have them already. I’m not forcing you to get it for me, but if you don’t, I’m coming straight to the North Pole to find out why. Oh yeah. The thing is how am I going to get there? I know, a pirate ship! It’s so fast! What am I saying? It goes at the speed of slow. When you come, bring Rudolph. Is it true that he has a shiny red nose? My children will love him.
Yours completely sincerely,
Bob Jeffrey’s
P.S. Don’t forget to say hello to the Oompaa Loompaas.
Dear Father Christmas,
Before I even start to tell you the never-ending list of what I want for Christmas, I want to praise myself. You’re lucky I’m even writing to you! 50% of children my age (10 years old) have stopped believing in you, but not me!
I should think that at this point in the letter, you would be wondering what nonsense I will talk about; well… the part of me continuously talking is true but “nonsense” – that’s for you to decide. As I was saying, most of the letters you receive would surely contain a list of what the young children, snuggled up in their warm little homes, would want more than anything in the world, right? Well, there may be an extra small list of what someone may want for Christmas, but that’s not what this letter is about; this letter is to warn you of all the dis-believers out there:
In one out of five homes, I can tell you, that at least one child has either stopped believing in you or looks like their heading in that direction. There is only one way to solve this crisis; all you need to do is make sure that every child and adult receives at least four amazing gifts (the rest can be your decision). Here are some gift ideas of what a 10 year old girl (not specific) would love:
• A pink bike
• An IPhone
• A laptop
• A lot of sweets
So if you give a 10 year old girl those, then I’m sure she would be extremely happy! Speaking of gift ideas, here is what I want for Christmas:
• A pink bike
• An IPhone
• A laptop; and
• A lot of sweets
Yours sincerely,
Rebecca
P.S. Some of the facts within this letter may not be true, but I tried my best to keep them as accurate as possible.
P.P.S. I made my list extra small – so I don’t bother you and your hard work.
Cathedral Primary School
Redcross Way
London
SE1 1HG
15th December 2015
Dear Father Christmas,
I have been a very good girl this year, if you count teasing others and being rude – I am frankly an angel. I hope you are counting all the presents that I am going to receive .But if you can’t get all the presents on the sleigh, tell Mrs Claus to lay off the pies and get building more luggage space!
Last year, I noticed my stocking was not filled to the brim with an overflowing fountain of sweets, but rather was a Christmas sack full of apples and pears – hardly my ideal gift .So this year, I’m allowing you to redeem yourself (which you will )and make me the perfect Christmas .
I have just a few requests that will help me very much to look my best and feel it during 2016:
o An exquisite pair of dresses
o No bedtime (I would love that!)
o World domination
o A pink BMX bike with a bell
o A pug called Bob
My mother said I would not get any presents if I were bad; but you will give me presents, right? Lucy (my friend) said you weren’t real but I know you are. But behind that friendly white beard I know you are a revenge-seeking old curmudgeon, planning to give her black coal – of course. I’m simply shell-shocked at the prospect of a life with ‘no Santa’. Who will I leave cookies for at dark? Who will be so naïve as to give me gifts when I’m bad? Oops…scratch the second part, but you Santa are the best part of Christmas; so grant me the best holiday or else I will tell all the kids that you aren’t real and you will end up with a group of angry delinquents on your hands .
If you want to sweeten the deal get me a few more things:
o A new backpack (better than Lucy’s)
o A never ending money bank
o A hamster called Stanley
Yours sincerely,
Nana Yaa
P.S I would really like my mum to stop making a racket at me (if I don’t know what happened to my homework, then I can’t be responsible). Also a mute button to stop her nagging -allowing me to watch Tom and Jerry in peace would be gratefully received!
Cathedral school,
Redcross way,
London
SEI 1HG
15 December 2015
Dear Santa,
As you know, I try to be good each year, but then again, there are those sneaky little temptations to be bad ( but that’s just part of growing up), while other times I am on my best behaviour. Although it sometimes looks like Marissa and I want to kill each other – we are really best sisters!
Anyway for Christmas, can I have a Polaroid camera (the really cheap one)? If I break it, you know who will be in trouble and it won’t be you (hint, hint)! Besides that I have a list as long as the river Nile (times 4) but I’ll leave for today.
Santa, you’re actually lucky I’m writing to you because all of my friends say it’s our parents that wrap the presents up and put them under the Christmas tree and for this, I sneeze on their lies. The thing I want most for Christmas is to see you – the real you, not the ones in Croydon shopping mall or the ones in winter wonder land or the costumed charity-Santa but I want to see you, merry Christmas and a happy new year.
Yours sneeze-cerely,
Allicia
Cathedral Primary School,
Redcross Way,
London,
SE1 1HG
15TH December 2015
To Santa,
First of all, I should point out that I am way beyond the age of 10 (that was the last time I wrote to you). I am now 40. Yes, that’s right. 14,682 days to be exact. I am guessing that in your job you have to be exact.
How is it in Lapland? Still snowing is it? Here it is just rain…rain…rain! Believe it or not it is not even jump weather yet. People have started to play festive Christmas music in their shops; that must be so embarrassing for you – it would be for me. The population here is growing so this year it will be more demanding than last year. More presents. I feel so sorry for you as there are so many imposters on the street, TV and even in shopping centres. We all know it isn’t you because they have a fake beard (no offense) and they do not have a heart of gold.
Since I was 10, I have been as good as gold. Not including when I knocked on my neighbours doors and then ran off, and the few others things that I won’t mention. So I hope I am still in your good books – they must be massive. What I am getting at is that if I still have credit with you, I just want to share these tiny requests:
• Snow…and lots of it. A normal London day is rainy and cloudy. It is mundane. I haven’t had a snow fight for years and my talent of aiming snow balls at unlucky people is fading way. I am sure it would make everyone happy to see snow again.
• Something that will make my wife and the children happy so they forget about all the work on Christmas day and on Christmas Eve.
• To give the children some courage, kindness, joy and some humour.
• I will not ask you to solve global problems as they are problems of our own.
Oh…and for me…a magic set.
Yours sincerely,
Madeleine
PS: Say hello to the elves and the reindeer, especially Rudolph. Happy Christmas and a happy New Year.
Confusing Street
Bold Park
London
SE1 1HG
15th December 2O15
Dear Father Christmas,
Hello Father Christmas I have not written a
letter to you for a long time. Just to point out my age, I am 30 – but in days I am 13,256. I am trying to be good but sometimes I am bad. I like to do both but bad is fun. I have not written to you since I was 4 years old, you gave me a car; it was COOL! And you gave me a bike I fell over and landed on my bottom. Ouch! But thank you.
Now I am going to tell you what I want for Christmas presents:
. A PlayStation4
. A skate-board
. A iPhone 6
. My own hot tub
So bye, I Santa wish you marry Christmas.
Your sincerely
Curtis
Santa’s Grotto,
Icy Way,
Lapland,
LE3 321
15/12/2015
Dear Santa,
Ok, so bare this in mind: I’ve gone through a lot in life, for example, eating sweets, playing, and sleeping! You know what too? Ever since I came out of my mother’s tummy, the fact that you exist has just been sipping its tea at the back of my noggin.
I have been very good this year (as you know) so I deserve some serious credit. Well ok, guess I was a little bit bad, but it’s no biggie! Oh, ok fine- I was naughty; are you happy now?! I’ll just buy my own presents.
Yours ever so sincerely,
Jordan (the kid who’s been writing to you for 6 years straight).
P.S. If – just out of pity – you are going to get me a prezzy (you being a kind-hearted man and all, nothing like those impostors on tv) I have this one tinsy, winsy request; snow, and a dog… oh, and a Santa disguise, complete with beard, so I can be you!
Dear St. Nicolas,
Firstly, I have just arrived home from the hospital – not that I should go rambling on about my dentist appointment – but I am sure you would love to hear about it. So, I had to get fillings in because you know us kids going for them sweets … yeah I know it’s bad but they’re so good. Anyways, as I was saying, I watched The Apprentice in the car (by the way I am 40) on the way to my appointment and it went so well I treated myself to a classic hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate sauce!
I really do feel so sorry for you St. Nick because there are so many fakes around the world and here I am; writing to the real SANTA CLAUSE. Since I began writing to you, which was when I was 7 and that was 33 years ago (wow I have aged), I have really wanted these minuscule requests:
• Lots and lots of PEACHES, but only the ones in the tin
• A neon orange 4-door mini cooper with seat warmers
• SNOW
• A black pug named Tinkerbelle, or maybe Jasmine, but it could be called Nala – actually, do not worry, I will decide when you get it for me
• And finally, a yacht, but that one’s optional (can I have a yacht though?)
Thank you for listening Santa and a being a burning, magical fire in my heart – I will always believe you’re real.
Yours hopefully,
Paul Paula
P.S. I know you know that everyone knows that those in the supermarkets are frauds and there should be no more of it!
Please say hello to Blitzen from Uncle Paul
Cathedral School,
Redcross Way,
London,
SE1 1HG
14th December
Dear Father Christmas,
Of course you’re going to give me a present; I’ve been good all year. All right mate, what are you giving me for Christmas? Give me something at least. You can never guess where I am living! I’m living in California! With my mum. It’s been a long time since I wrote to you. I’m 22, the last time I wrote to you was when I was 21. Such a long time. Anyway, I want this to be the best Christmas for my kids, I want you to give them:
*Lots of toys
*Formula 1 race car and track for the back garden
You better try your best to get them for my kids. And for me, I would like a beach-front mansion and a sports car. Even though I have them already. I’m not forcing you to get them for me, but if you don’t, I’m coming straight to the North Pole to ask some stern questions.
When you come, bring Rudolph. Is it true that he has a shiny red nose? My children will love him. I said bring Rudolph. Don’t bring any other reindeer because I will know.
Yours completely sincerely,
Bob Jeffrey
P.S. Don’t forget to say hello to Oompaa Loompaa.
Jazz Hands Road
Lambeth Walk
London
SD1 9FG
15th December 2015
Dear Father Christmas/St. Nick (whichever you prefer),
Hi Father Christmas/St. Nick, last night I had the worst dream, I had to arrest you, because you were stealing presents. It kind of makes sense as it would cost you so much to make 2 million presents, about £200,000,000; if you do not know how much money that is (which I am sure you don’t) well it’s 200 million pounds. I know you would not do that but it is probably your naughty reindeer Rudolph. It has been so long since I spoke to you last, but I just can’t resist it, Christmas is the best but pleaseeeeee don’t tell the Easter Bunny. I am so excited for Christmas, aren’t you? Buying all those presents for young kids, which is what you love to do, right?
Anyway the real reason why I wrote to you was because I want to add a few things to my list:
– A new Segway, the ones that can go over water.
– A PERSONASLISED quad bike with a wicked number plate like Thomas:/or Thomasrules which is true.
– IPhone 7
There is so much more that I want, but as you know me so well, I will save you the trouble of reading, but in return you can buy me more presents as a token of your gratitude. Now hopefully you are aware that apple have not REALESED the IPhone 7 but I am sure your crafty little elves can steal one for me. After all, we are kind of family. I have been naughty but have always tried my hardest to be un-naughty, but have sometimes failed spectacularly. Does this put me at the bottom of your priority list?
All my sincereness,
Tom :/
P.S. I know I write very early to you, but they do say, save the best for first.
P.P.S. I will give you an extra mince pie, if you give me an extra present! Pleasure doing business with you!
Cathedral Primary School
London, England
SE1 1HG
15th December 2015
Dear Father Christmas,
Firstly, I should tell you how old I am. I am 10, yes the second youngest in my class, but I am still growing. I am George, George Crabham and NO I do not like Crabby ham so don’t put any in my stocking. I hope you and the reindeers enjoyed my carrots, milk and… what was it? Either mince pies or cookies, I can’t remember now.
Wow, I would really like your job; flying around the night sky and eating all those cookies and mince pies; but don’t think they would all fit in my small tummy. Just how do you get around the universe in one day?
Anyway, carrying on, I would like it to snow heavily. As in London it is freezing cold, wet and …yeah a normal London day. Boring! So if you could make that happen, I sure everybody wold be really happy (except for the people who drive cars). I hope it’s still snowing in Lapland.
And, big guy, you could write back? Here are some questions:
How old are you?
How do you fly around the universe in one day?
How do you fit down the chimney?
How do you eat all the food and not be sick?
That’s it for now I will write back to you next year, I don’t know what I want yet, but for now:
Yours sincerely,
George
P.S. say hello to the reindeers and elves and don’t forget to make the snow fall.
Dear Father Christmas (or St Nick, whichever you prefer),
As you know, as we get older, every year, we tend to want something different . Yes, like last year, I wanted nail stuff (THANK YOU SO MUCH – I love my nail art set!). And the year before, I wanted loads of dairy-free chocolates – I loved them too! Well this year, what I really want is world peace (obviously). Although you’re fabulous, funny, kind, sweet, and you’ve got a heart of gold, you and I both know that you can’t deliver that on your sleigh or put it in my stocking… However big I make it. Therefore, I have decided what I want instead, I would love a: pop-up-tent!
I don’t know if I have told you about my love of building awkward little dens and secret hide-outs, as well as pleading my with my parents to let me sleep in there. However, I don’t mind if you can’t get me this, as this letter may have arrived late or you won’t have time to make it in a short amount of time. And anyway, your presents are always the best because you always know what I want; even if I don’t myself.
Oh, I nearly forgot to tell you about or thank you for all the letters you’ve written to me in the past. The first one you sent me had your address written in gold, and since then, I’ve been dreaming of what it could be like. So, this Christmas can you print out a photograph of your Christmas cottage on Snow Hill in Lapland?
Lots of love
Ruby
Xxx
How very amusing, Class 6. I laughed out loud a few times reading them!
Mr Scott
George’s Marvelous Medicine
There is a young boy named George, with his grandmother at home. Grandmother asked him to make him some tea, so George gave her the tea! She was a wicked. So George thought of a plan to make a medicine: I will call it George’s marvelous medicine