In Class 5 today, we experimented with alternative story openings for Cinderella.
We opened with:
- An event
- A description
- Dialogue
What difference do you think opening the story in these ways makes? Here are 3 of the best!
As a smoky grey car pulled up to the gigantic creamy-white house, Cinderella rushed to the window and peered through the mist. Three figures got out. Cinderella anxiously ran to the cupboard, got out her old dusty brush, and started sweeping the dirty marble floor. Her ugly sisters and unkind step mother were back.
Great Rose!
My lazy step-sisters had a cruel smirk on their faces as they snarled down on me. Their huge feet bulged out of the tiny, elegant high heels they tried to squeeze into everyday. A smell of mouldy cheese wafted out from their hairy gorilla armpits.
What a vivid description Elysia!
“Cindy!” Her step-mother screeched, “Get up here now!”
“OK mother,” Cinderella called. She walked silently up the creaking stairs.
“What now mother?” She sighed.
Well done Eleanor!
Well done you three girls you included: Events, description and dialogue! You are writing superstars! You should be authors when you grow up or at least the writing stars of the week! The whole school should be really proud of you! Your writing skills are a gift, your talent is for being good storytellers.
I really like these openings. Well done you three.
Those are really good! I can really imagine it and I feel like I am Cinderella while reading them ( I’m actually quite happy I’m not!).
You girls are amazing your story openings should be published out in Cinderella books. You can make your own books when you grow up and I know that they will be published. If you were an author I would buy all of your books all of them !
Well done you three! Your amazing work has blown me away. How did you do it?
I really like all your work, especially the ones about Kensuke’s Kingdom! I loved Rose’s description of Cinderella, especially ‘Her ugly sisters and unkind step mother were back.” which really made me want to read on. Anya, yours was amazing as well! The way you used a cliff-hanger – ‘the figure in the forest’ – made me really wonder what might happen next. I liked your screechy opening, Eleanor, and the dialogue really got me thinking about the rest of the story. Elysia, I love your first sentence” My lazy step-sisters had a cruel smirk on their faces as they snarled down at me.” The use of the words ‘lazy’, ‘cruel smirk’ and ‘snarled’ created a really strong effect on me when I read it, I realised how threatened Cinderella must have been by her ugly sisters. Freddy, my favourite bit of your writing was when you described Stella Artois and her tail. The description “Her tail like a helicopter blade, whirring.” is really fantastic! I can just imagine it in my head. I think that something that applies to all of you is that maybe you could use a few more interesting connectives, but I’m sure you do that in other pieces of writing! I really like all your descriptions and I hope one day I will be on the school website.
I really enjoyed learning about Kensuke’s Kingdom in class!
Very descriptive vocabulary.I wouldnt like to be Cinderella at all!!
Wow these are really good openings, I bet you never find a better opening than this in a book!